Caught on camera-phone
This is my summer



I ride to work with this guy sometimes.


I hang out with this guy



and this guy


and this guy


and this guy


and this guy



who also has this guy



and this guy



and sometimes this guy



and a guy who wears this shirt


I met this crazy woman in a park . . . after she collapsed way across the parking lot and we tried to help her.
She drove over to where we were sitting 10 or 15 minutes later and demanded we each stand up and hug her.
She said she was on a picnic date and was only wearing a bikini and a sarong
She left the car door open and it was still beeping when she sat down and started asking us weird questions.
She said she was on a picnic and that she made fried chicken and mac & cheese and such, but we later found a bag of taco bell with a taco salad in it and a bunch of paper plates. . . And the blanket she laid out.
She swore she wasn't on drugs and wore a giant "wedding ring" that she bought for herself at a walmart.
Reynoldsburg, OH

z
i went to this house
Newark, OH


yes, this one



and this one, where a woman told me, there are actually "more like 60 cats" and she has a series of lazers all across her lawn and bear traps set outside her windows, so she doesn't need an alarm system. Plus, she once beat up neighborhood kids with a metal rod, so they know not to mess with her. She drove a pink truck that I liked, but she hated.
Mansfield



And I went to this house, where they all only wore orange shirts. . . for middle school spirit. . .
Mansfield


I went to this town.
A woman in a mcdonalds told us we "need to come back for the popcorn festival."
she was confused that we lived "in the city" 40 miles away and that "the elephant ears are worth it"
Marion


Columbus has Bruce Lee's Chinese Food, so you know it's a good city


even though this bar doesn't allow roller shoes. . .
Dayton


A lot of people have these birds around their houses.
These people had a Brinks system & a detached garage and weren't home.
Columbus


And one person had this by their gate.
I was told by a neighbor that they sold drugs.
Marion


And three people had marshmallows by their drive ways.
They all lived on different streets.
Columbus


I saw this birthday cake.


And these ice cream sandwiches.
A neighbor told me that they don't need a security system because the police don't respond in his neighborhood. He said those lines on the sidewalk are from a guy who rides his snow-plow wherever he goes "and the police won't do nothin about it." He wasn't too worried because he told me "people know not to mess with me."
That's my favorite.

And I found these in a store and didn't buy one. . . and i'm still kicking myself


I didn't buy these either, and i still kind of want them. . .

I did buy one of these though.


I went to an arcade bar and this guy was there.


And I went to Toronto.



But I think I'm ready to go to Atlanta and Louisville and New York and Portland and Vancouver and Virginia Beach. . .
Everyone in my office is slowly leaving.
There are like, 8 of us now. . .
I'm totally not doing pre-season next year.
I've been here too long.
But I got stories. . .

To quote Britney Spears,
as I do just about everyday,

"Gimmie gimmie more
gimmie more
gimmie gimmie"

Now that I'm an official Peddler, I thought I'd change up my pitches a little.
Here are a few lines I've been practicing:

With APX Alarm,
to your home shan't a burglar cause harm!


Motion Detector, Glass Break Sensor,
with these items, no theif shall enter!






Ideas?

I made the mistake of going to a Captain D's today.
(Yeah yeah, Captain D's nuuuuts, right guys, get it out now)

I know that most of my readers probably said "ew, why?" audibly because the previous statement about eating at a chain fast food restaurant that primarily sells fried fish seems like a horrible idea Kristen, duh.

I had never been & I was hungry & I am sick of Burger King veggie burgers & someone I know was in a Captain D's commercial as a child. . . so I figured, LET'S DO THIS! (alone)

Mistake #1: Deciding to "DO THIS!"

Mistake #2: Asking the employee "What's your favorite thing?"

Mistake #3: Ordering the " Fish & Shrimp Special"

Mistake #4: Ordering a water; Now that I think about it, I believe I paid for a drink.

So I made some mistakes . . .

While waiting for my food to come up to the counter, a family came in behind me.
One or more persons in this party smelled like a FILTHY dog.
RANK and NAUSEATING.
My food came up to the counter, not onto the counter as you might have thought.
Remember, at this point I hadn't eaten in 8 hours or so.
I moved away quickly to join the (2) other patrons in the "Dining Room"

MUSIC: The music seemed to be a manager's mix tape of forgotten soft hits from the 90's & forgotten soft hits for the Lord, seemingly also from the 90's.

THE BATHROOM: The bathroom had a handwritten sign on it that read "NO SMOKING IN THE BATHROOM PLEASE"
Apparently there had been problems in the past.
It didn't look too bad inside, but I took no chances, I could see what kind of asses were regulars on those toilets. (Regulars. ha.)
I washed my hands.


THE DINING EXPERIENCE: As I began to peel the fried batter from the fish, I heard the sounds of hacking and snorting from the woman to my right. . . She appeared to be on a date with a man 20 years her senior. She was no Spring chicken, but he was definitely either her father, or the older man she loved (living off of his social security checks.)

The family of 4 finally moves into the Dining Room, carrying 5 trays.
I pray they don't sit near me.

This is how God proves he exists in my life.
OR
They felt needed to be at the table that's closest to the pumpable tarter sauce.
Either way
Thank you.

The family consisted of an old OLD lady and a large mom figure whose curly mass of hair looked as though she tried to bleach it herself. . . 3 months ago, 5 times in the same day.
It was that orange-ish poop-ish color that happens . . .
It looked like it probably felt like the dog that one of them smelled like.

The woman on the date had similar hair, but hers had seen conditioner at least once this month and was slightly a different color.

Back to the family. The children accompanying the women were 15 and 17? Both Boys.
The younger of the two weighed probably as much as the large lady and the old woman combined.
Acne.
The Older of the two was wearing those ridiculously wide, slip-knot style pants and a Mountain Dew t-shirt.
I think he and his mom dyed their hair together, because his was almost the same color. . . but straight, like a horse.
Although, I think a horse's hair would be softer.
I would be willing to bet on that.
(I'm trying to think of a "placing bets" horse races joke, but i got nothin)

I enjoyed the hush puppies that came with my meal.
That is all.

I realized about 10 minutes into it that I hadn't really eaten much because the batter took so long to peel off. . .
i KNOW, but I thought I wanted a little fried food. a little. not a PLATE full.
I hadn't eaten much and I wasn't full by any means but my body began to react.
I felt light headed.
I think I almost passed out.
I think I came close to having a heart attack because I could feel my heart violently pumping the oil on through.
I swear, if I ever have a heart attack I will be very very angry with myself because I will know deep down inside, this meal was the reason. AND IT WAS NOT WORTH IT.

As I left I touched nothing. I kicked all doors to open them.

I noticed on my way out that the family who began eating after me, had left before me.
Yes, 4 people, 5 trays, 6 minutes.



And finally here's a "Beautiful portrait" that came up on the google image search:

Captain D's
www.flickr.com/photos/maintrainonline/135214244/

I am officially a sales person.

HOLY AWESOME

Kt is finally blogging

You know it's promising when a guy gives you his e-mail address and it reads: rollaphatj@hothoo.com

This Guy.

Hook it UP

When's the last time you did a proper head-stand?
I asked myself that a few moments ago & decided to make the answer to that question March 26, 2008!


You should try it again, keeping in mind that it's really easy to hurt your neck. . .