Sunday, December 28, 2003

In other news, I want to eat those demon marshmellow nightmares. they have easy-cheese ears. i can only imagine the delicioun.
i was arrested a few months ago. here's the story.

so, i'm on my way home around 7 to babysit my mom's kids so that she can go to court because of a burgulary charge against our neighbor who stole some money from my mom while we were out of town, (another wonderfully while-trash story i will be happy to share with you another time) when i was stopped by a Peachtree City Piglice Officer for speeding.

He comes up to the window when i quickly said something like "i'm very sorry. i realize i was speeding, and there's no excuse for that. . . but i'm in a huge hurry. i need to be home in 10 minutes to watch my mom's daycare kids because she's been subpoenaed to court because of a burglary charge in our home. please give me a break on this one. . (yadda yadda frantic bullshit)". I guess he didn't bother listening to any of my spiel because after taking my license he proceded to do that police sniff and said "i checked my calibration this mornin before work and i'd be glad to show you that it's runnin correctly. the reason i stopped you, (glance down) miss beaman, is because i clocked you at 73 in a 55 mile an hour speed zone. (it's really too bad you couldn't have heard that nice southern "fifty five.")

So I pass my license over to his sweaty, grubby hand and begin to cry. i then say something else to the extent of "if i get a ticket i'm not going to be able to get to school!". . . "Be back with you in a minute miss beaman" was my response. he didn't sound too promising.

Exausted from about 3 hours sleep the night before and mortified about how my mom will react when i come home LATE with ANOTHER speeding ticket, i sit in the car and let it all soak in. (a/k/a continue crying) As i sat there mumbling things like "please, no, please please please, let me go home, i wanna go home, no, please, etc . . . " and randomly beating my steering wheel, i notice another patrol car pull up behind the other cop. I immediately think "he's not just writing me a warning" and of course "ptc police can't do anything by themselves".

So they (Mr. 8AM arrest and the second dikey chick cop!!!) come strolling over to the driver's side door and "have to ask" me to "step out of the vehicle."

i was then told "you do realize you are driving under a suspended license."

I say "what?"

she says "step over here"

he says "we're placing you under arrest for driving with a suspended license"

i say "what?"

they handcuff me.

they ask "where are your shoes?"

i say ". . . i was in a hurry".

This is some sort of mistake" i say standing on the shoulder handcuffed and without shoes.

"You knew your license was suspended" the opprobrious bitch barked.

"No I didn't. I wouldn't be driving."

"Then why were are you crying before we even told you you were arrested?"

"I'm in a HURRY. . . I'm supposed to be somewhere very important."

"Yeah, right."

Anything in here i should know about? the girl-cop asks as she begins rummaging though Brandy's borrowed car. (oh yeah, i was borrowing brandy's car b/c mine's battery died)

"no." FUCK YOU!

they put me in the patrol car, shoeless.

They take me to the police station that shares it's lot and sign with a sewage treatment plant (which oddly smelled of chocolate pudding. . . ). they take pictures, ask weird questions, take handcuffs off, put handcuffs on, put me in another cruiser with rock-hard seats, and take me to fayette county corrections facility where i was unhand-cuffed, de-pony-tail-holder-ized, and sent to sit in "the pit" (holding cell).

I make my "one phone call" to my mom who has already been called to "get the car off of the highway or it will be impounded in 20 minutes". . . we chat. we're confused. we're mad at me for speeding.

Then they asked me a series of very strange questions i answered "no" to all of. Then one says "go stand on that 'X'"-"ok, now turn towards me"-"and the other way" . . . ( i hope i looked cute)

THEN i was FINGERPRINTED. . . when they say "fingerprinted" they mean each of your fingers, 6 times and each of your entire hands. oh- and one of just your four fingers on each hand- 3 times. This isn't as simple as it all sounds. A sheriff of some kind puts on latex gloves and "guides" your hand back and forth between a big black block of ink and 3 pieces of paper which is all spread out about 2 and a half to 3 feet. . . which is pretty far when you only stand about 5 feet from the ground. There are other detainees all men-ish (i say men-ish because they were really probably around my age. . . and they were definitely not in the category "men" which is short for gentlemen). . . so other prisoner guys (with the orange suits and orange kroger-flip-flops and all) are laughing and pointing at me as my arms are being gently jerked back and forth between ink and paper. i am sort of humiliated. . . sort of extremely entertained.

I washed my hands with orange-clean and go sit in "the pit" again to watch more CNN. I notice a fellow inmate in a cell directly in front of me trying to get my attention. i make the "what" face . . . you know, with the hands, shoulders, and eyebrows. very clearly he mouths "lemme see ya pussy." instead i show him my favorite finger and rather abruptly move out of his line of sight.

"What're you in for?" I giggle. How wonderfully cliche.
"Too many DUI's"
"Yeah. . . that sucks. You shouldn't drink and drive."
"You're telling me."

we wait--

"your people are here, here's your stuff, sign these papers that say your mom paid your bond of $1024 in cash and is standing on the other side of that wall waiting to tell you what she thinks about all of this, ok thanks, follow him"

jr. sheriff takes me out. . . i see my momma . . . the sagga continues.

so here's how it happened. i got a speeding ticket reduced in march and the city of atlanta never sent the dmv the information that says "this person doesn't have that many points" in april i got a notice that said my license was suspended. i called the dmv. i followed their instruction and sent them a certified copy of my ticket that i bought from the city of atlanta for 5 dollars. i was told all would be taken care of on their end at that point. i didn't worry. 4 months went by. i got a speeding ticket. 2 more months went by, i get arrested for driving with a license i didn't know was suspended.

it has been taken care of.
i am BACK on the road!

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Happy Birthday yesterday B$.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

i just brushed and flossed my teeth. i even used a red cote tab. . . remember those things? they turn your whole mouth red. . . i guess i still suck at brushing my teeth.