Sunday, July 24, 2005

I once worked at a Toys R Us (TRU) with my best friend. The CEO of FOA Schwartz had just come to work for TRU during the Christmas season of 99'. Little did we know, this former CEO wanted TRU to have more of a "Carnival Atmosphere."
When we were interviewed, seperately mind you, they were uber-impressed that when asked why we wanted to work there, we both happened to sing them the "Proud to be a Toys R Us Kid" song-
Seriously though, why would anyone want to work at Toys R Us?
answer: "There's so many toys in Toys R Us that I can play with!"
Anyhoo- we were both hired on as "Fun Police" for the Christmas Season. As "Fun Police" we were to wear cop uniforms (and elf costumes for Christmas), go around the store, help people find things, give kids stickers, make them balloon animals, "arrest" them for not having enough fun, set up displays, and demo new toys.
Now, playing with play-doh and putting together legos for 8 50 an hour is fucking great, especially when you get to do it with your best friend, but NEVER learning how to opperate a register AND knowing that all of the cashiers and the people who had to tote someone's winey, snotty-nosed "precious little darling's" brand-new 28-piece all-inclusive Jungle-Gym to the front were getting paid less than you made it that much better.

99' was the year that the electronic dog that so many youngsters yearned to train and love was one of the top items selling that year. Another item, which you may remember was the roller-shoe skate/shoes. Yes, the shoes that you could transform into skates with a simple squeeze of a spring and impress your friends and confuse your teachers.
"Can we demo these?"
"They are hard to skate in. I used to work at a skating rink. Can I wear my quads to work instead?"
"Sure, whatever, get out of the break-room and go back to doing whatever it is you two do around here."

So, not only did I get to roam the store with no real supervisor WITH my best friend, play with toys, make kids' days via balloons and stickers, hang out in the break room for 30 minutes+ at a time, and get PAID $8.50/Hr, I also got to do it on rollerskates.

I feel I'm getting what was coming to me though.
Much to my dismay, I am learning that you can't always have a fun job. . .
Work doesn't mean whistling at kids at a skating rink, roller-skating around a Toys R Us, eating play-doh that smells good hidden in a shoe-display with your best friend, or highlighting some kid's birthday as Cinderella who wants to make necklaces with them, or taking bubble-baths in industrial sinks.
To some it means "3rd Shift at The Daily Herald," feeding machines JC Penny ads till all hours of the morning in a town you hate (Provo, UT), or telling people who were transfered to you (by the evil coorperation Cendant Properties) that they can receive special cash-back gas certificates just for trying "special travel offers" that they will never ever use (and they probably shouldn't because if class-action lawsuits ever taught you a lesson, Trilegaint Coorperation, who I work for, shouldn't be trusted. Shoppers Advantage, Travelers Advantage, Deals & Destinations, and PrivacyGuard- who Frank Abignale, a professional con-artist who had a movie make about his life called "Catch me of you Can" sits on the board of. . . )
Work fucking sucks.

If you have a fun job, LOVE your fun job.
If you're stuck in a factory, or a call center, or the like- keep looking.
If you know me, you're too fucking awesome to settle for less.
I'm too fucking awesome, so I know.

Sitting outside a certain local downtown Athens restaurant, I noticed a guy's shirt said "Camp Awesome"
Nice, I thought, until I read what was underneath-
"I had a decent time"
I love that shit.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I was looking at because my sister said it changed her life. I was excited to find that
THIS lovely young lady shares my birth date.

Don't play games with her.