A Prequal to this post as seen on YTLS:

Roommate #1: Susan

Roommate #2: Jennifer
about a week ago the korean girl woke Susan by knocking at her window at 9:30 in the AM telling her she requested from the apartment complex office that she be switched to our apartment. . . (great, see where being nice to annoying, insane korean girls gets you? way to go, susan.)
she lived next door, but got in a screaming argument with her roommates because someone's 2-year-old accidentally locked the bathroom door closed. (insane)

It wasn't too bad the first couple of days except for the occasional strange joke i don't get at all (. . . if they were supposed to be jokes) "ahhh, my bum hurt!" really loud and whinny/decisively while i'm watching tv.
I started just ignoring her and acting like i couldn't hear her piercing voice over my music, or the tv. . . or i acted like i didn't know she was talking to me, and said "what?" a lot when it was becoming a problem.

a couple of days ago the korean girl put signs all over her door that said shit in korean and "you steal my stuff!" & "What I am missing: . . . " "You hate Koreans!" etc.
underlined words and capitol letters and everything. anger was very apparent.
the next day she called the police about her "stolen watch" that she can't describe & that is worth around "20 dollars" and told the officer that we were eating her food.
she eats shit that comes in containers i can't read. . . and it all smells bad.
i was asleep during the event, although i wish i could have been there for see how the cop reacted to her "burglary" call.

yesterday she stopped at my door and started pointing & screaming what i'm guessing were accusations and obscenities at me in korean. i followed her down the hall and asked her if there was some kind of problem and told her she should probably speak English because it's not communication at all otherwise and defeats the point in talking and it was hurting my ears.
Susan came out after hearing all of the korean yelling and they started yelling at each other and it was hilarious.

Here are a few of the things that were said:

S-what food exactly is missing?
J- -ma butter. i saw dem use!
S- you're what?
J- ma butter
Me- butter? did you just fucking say butter?
J- you take it, you take!
Me- It's BUTTER. . . no, it's fucking country crock spread.

J- You take! you take my watch i get for christmas!
Me- Who the hell wears a watch anymore?
S- The Lord knows i'm innocent!

J- I afraid of Shawn (kim, our other roommate's fiance)
S- why?
Me-what?
J- i afraid he will rape ha.
Me- He won't rape us! He's getting married in 2 weeks!
J.- No Ha, HA.
Me- a five year old sleeps in there with them. . . he's not going to rape his fiance. this is crazy.

J- You are racist!
S-no im not. i was engaged to a korean.
Me- don't blame the fact that you suck on your ethnicity. you're racist.

Anyway, i told her to move the fuck out as nicely as possible. Most of the time i was laughing and walking around the house doing other things. i wish i would have gotten my camera and taken a movie. there was yelling, yelling/screaming in Korean, crying, flailing limbs, and many MANY pointed fingers.

It's fucking butter.

i'm going to start eating her food. . . if i can stand to eat ramen, ricearoni, and weird korean food.

one time in my freshmen gym class
they set up volleyball nets inside.
i was in the back, right staring at the hot guy in the class next to ours
i thought i heard a few people yell my name
and to my surprise, the volleyball bounced off of my head.
it didn't just land next to me or hit my foot,
it fucking bounced off of my head.
luckily it didn't knock me over or anything too conspicuous.
i don't think anyone really knew what i was staring at. . .
because no one ever made fun of me for it. . .
you know, except when i told my best friend, we made fun of me.

anyway, in my google image search for "rob vanwinkle"
i came across this familiar face

a few IMs from Bunny Mcintosh to start the day off right:

"i have to go have a nice emptying vomitfest
lets smoke a morning bowl together after i puke.
i'll call you.
we'll celebrate all there is to celebrate"

i love my sister.

ok, now it's 5:30.
i just talked to my main man.
being in love with someone far away sucks ass.

utah is still as beautiful and boring as ever.
i think i talked to a total of 5 people today in person,
including the clerk who sold me the bottle of wine i've been drinking.
i drove to salt lake city this evening to get the fuck out of provo for a while.
i stopped at a theater that plays indie films and got a magazine
that tells you where the music's at.

i'm supposed to call, "PABLO" who works there,
today to go camping with him & some of his friends. . .
we'll see how that turns out.
he gave me a really great compliment that made me smile & feel happy and proud and lovely. .
like people should always feel, so i think i might go.
not the kind of compliment that you get driving down I-75N
from the guy in the car next to you who looks
like John Kerry's little, uglier, brother
who's raising his eyebrows and winking too much &
who's holding a piece of paper that has
"YOU TWO ARE BOTH FOXES"
hastily written on the back something. . .
probably his child-support summons.
Allison & I, aformentioned "Foxes" got a picture
between his lewd gestures and poor attempts to flirt.

i was supposed to be at work 20 minutes ago.
it is 3:50AM.

i say, i fell asleep to the sound of the machinery rumbling in my brain
and that damn bell that goes off every 10 minutes,
DREAMT about being in that factory all day after i got off and
i WILL NOT do it again.

working in a factory is kind of like playing skip-it.
it's fun for a while and you sort of have a sense of accomplishment. . .
but after a whlie you just get dizzy from watching it go around
and around and around and around and around
and you get tired
and you trip over the line
and/or want to kick it the fuck off of your foot.

and besides, does anyone even actually read the newspaper?

i miss atlanta.

i wanna go home.
fuck this place.
i miss my family and
my friends and
lame indie kids and
old, fat strippers and
bars and
karaoke.

and i miss sloppy
a
lot.

I Posted on YLTS


Twice

i can fit 21 cheese balls in my mouth

someone i know. . . .
just told me they weren't available because they:
"have an interview as a phone sex operator"

JUST A REMINDER:
As the right of each sentient species to live in accordance with its normal cultural evolution is considered sacred, no Star Fleet personnel may interfere with the healthy development of alien life and culture. Such interference includes the introduction of superior knowledge, strength, or technology to a world whose society is incapable of handling such advantages wisely. Star Fleet personnel may not violate this Prime Directive, even to save their lives and/or their ship unless they are acting to right an earlier violation or an accidental contamination of said culture. This directive takes precedence over any and all other considerations, and carries with it the highest moral
obligation

Too bad i haven't seen this yet. . .

What Classic Movie Are You?
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What Is Your Battle Cry?

Zang! Who is that, running across the desert! It is Beaman, hands clutching a sharpened screwdriver! And with an ominous grunt, her voice cometh: "I'm going to fuck you until you spontaneously degenerate, then steal your lederhosen!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

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about 12 hours ago after swimming and hot tubbing at a nearby apartment complex we thought it would be cool to sleep on the roof.
we woke up a few hours later soaking wet and freezing.
i will probably get sick.

wtf?

our neighbor's name is john aneema.
i haven't ever seen it in writing though,
so it may very well be spelled enema.

happy birthday william.

i should be writing thesis papers.

today i counted on my fingers the days it has been since i bathed.
. . .
if you're counting on your fingers there is probably a problem with your personal hygiene.

i have been inspired to put my old blog back on the web
by www.stupiddrawings.com

watch for a link shortly.

So, i've recently come to realize that most people don't know about microwaved peeps.
put a peep or 2 on a plate and put it in the mocrowave for about 30 seconds.
eat it with a fork.
it gets all crunchy and delicious.

it is very strange when you wake up to someone asking you a question and you just can't seem to get your brain to work. . .
you just end up asking yourself and the other person "what?" over and over.
this morning:
"have you seen my make-up bag?" my mom says
"hu?" my brain is trying to steady itself.
"my make-up bag, is it in here?"
"no. . . what?"
"oh, its right there."
"huh? yeah. oh, sorry. yeah. i borrowed that yesterday."


i didn't do any drugs.

i hate those automatic flushing toilets.
every SINGLE time i turn around and lean in
to search for the handle, suddenly
SWOOSH!
the overly-powerful flush startles the fuck out of me.
luckily, i've already peed by this time. . .

A guy i know who is in a band
and is about to move to Cali to
-get signed-
is insisting we all call him by
his new alias
"Champ Champaign."
He claims he plans to
change his name legally
to said alias.

Why the hell would anyone choose a name
that's so easy to make fun of?

His name is Joey.
Joey is a Chump.