Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Sunday, July 24, 2005
I once worked at a Toys R Us (TRU) with my best friend. The CEO of FOA Schwartz had just come to work for TRU during the Christmas season of 99'. Little did we know, this former CEO wanted TRU to have more of a "Carnival Atmosphere."
When we were interviewed, seperately mind you, they were uber-impressed that when asked why we wanted to work there, we both happened to sing them the "Proud to be a Toys R Us Kid" song-
Seriously though, why would anyone want to work at Toys R Us?
answer: "There's so many toys in Toys R Us that I can play with!"
Anyhoo- we were both hired on as "Fun Police" for the Christmas Season. As "Fun Police" we were to wear cop uniforms (and elf costumes for Christmas), go around the store, help people find things, give kids stickers, make them balloon animals, "arrest" them for not having enough fun, set up displays, and demo new toys.
Now, playing with play-doh and putting together legos for 8 50 an hour is fucking great, especially when you get to do it with your best friend, but NEVER learning how to opperate a register AND knowing that all of the cashiers and the people who had to tote someone's winey, snotty-nosed "precious little darling's" brand-new 28-piece all-inclusive Jungle-Gym to the front were getting paid less than you made it that much better.
99' was the year that the electronic dog that so many youngsters yearned to train and love was one of the top items selling that year. Another item, which you may remember was the roller-shoe skate/shoes. Yes, the shoes that you could transform into skates with a simple squeeze of a spring and impress your friends and confuse your teachers.
"Can we demo these?"
"Sure"
Awesome.
"They are hard to skate in. I used to work at a skating rink. Can I wear my quads to work instead?"
"Sure, whatever, get out of the break-room and go back to doing whatever it is you two do around here."
So, not only did I get to roam the store with no real supervisor WITH my best friend, play with toys, make kids' days via balloons and stickers, hang out in the break room for 30 minutes+ at a time, and get PAID $8.50/Hr, I also got to do it on rollerskates.
I feel I'm getting what was coming to me though.
Much to my dismay, I am learning that you can't always have a fun job. . .
Work doesn't mean whistling at kids at a skating rink, roller-skating around a Toys R Us, eating play-doh that smells good hidden in a shoe-display with your best friend, or highlighting some kid's birthday as Cinderella who wants to make necklaces with them, or taking bubble-baths in industrial sinks.
To some it means "3rd Shift at The Daily Herald," feeding machines JC Penny ads till all hours of the morning in a town you hate (Provo, UT), or telling people who were transfered to you (by the evil coorperation Cendant Properties) that they can receive special cash-back gas certificates just for trying "special travel offers" that they will never ever use (and they probably shouldn't because if class-action lawsuits ever taught you a lesson, Trilegaint Coorperation, who I work for, shouldn't be trusted. Shoppers Advantage, Travelers Advantage, Deals & Destinations, and PrivacyGuard- who Frank Abignale, a professional con-artist who had a movie make about his life called "Catch me of you Can" sits on the board of. . . )
Work fucking sucks.
If you have a fun job, LOVE your fun job.
If you're stuck in a factory, or a call center, or the like- keep looking.
If you know me, you're too fucking awesome to settle for less.
I'm too fucking awesome, so I know.
-CR
When we were interviewed, seperately mind you, they were uber-impressed that when asked why we wanted to work there, we both happened to sing them the "Proud to be a Toys R Us Kid" song-
Seriously though, why would anyone want to work at Toys R Us?
answer: "There's so many toys in Toys R Us that I can play with!"
Anyhoo- we were both hired on as "Fun Police" for the Christmas Season. As "Fun Police" we were to wear cop uniforms (and elf costumes for Christmas), go around the store, help people find things, give kids stickers, make them balloon animals, "arrest" them for not having enough fun, set up displays, and demo new toys.
Now, playing with play-doh and putting together legos for 8 50 an hour is fucking great, especially when you get to do it with your best friend, but NEVER learning how to opperate a register AND knowing that all of the cashiers and the people who had to tote someone's winey, snotty-nosed "precious little darling's" brand-new 28-piece all-inclusive Jungle-Gym to the front were getting paid less than you made it that much better.
99' was the year that the electronic dog that so many youngsters yearned to train and love was one of the top items selling that year. Another item, which you may remember was the roller-shoe skate/shoes. Yes, the shoes that you could transform into skates with a simple squeeze of a spring and impress your friends and confuse your teachers.
"Can we demo these?"
"Sure"
Awesome.
"They are hard to skate in. I used to work at a skating rink. Can I wear my quads to work instead?"
"Sure, whatever, get out of the break-room and go back to doing whatever it is you two do around here."
So, not only did I get to roam the store with no real supervisor WITH my best friend, play with toys, make kids' days via balloons and stickers, hang out in the break room for 30 minutes+ at a time, and get PAID $8.50/Hr, I also got to do it on rollerskates.
I feel I'm getting what was coming to me though.
Much to my dismay, I am learning that you can't always have a fun job. . .
Work doesn't mean whistling at kids at a skating rink, roller-skating around a Toys R Us, eating play-doh that smells good hidden in a shoe-display with your best friend, or highlighting some kid's birthday as Cinderella who wants to make necklaces with them, or taking bubble-baths in industrial sinks.
To some it means "3rd Shift at The Daily Herald," feeding machines JC Penny ads till all hours of the morning in a town you hate (Provo, UT), or telling people who were transfered to you (by the evil coorperation Cendant Properties) that they can receive special cash-back gas certificates just for trying "special travel offers" that they will never ever use (and they probably shouldn't because if class-action lawsuits ever taught you a lesson, Trilegaint Coorperation, who I work for, shouldn't be trusted. Shoppers Advantage, Travelers Advantage, Deals & Destinations, and PrivacyGuard- who Frank Abignale, a professional con-artist who had a movie make about his life called "Catch me of you Can" sits on the board of. . . )
Work fucking sucks.
If you have a fun job, LOVE your fun job.
If you're stuck in a factory, or a call center, or the like- keep looking.
If you know me, you're too fucking awesome to settle for less.
I'm too fucking awesome, so I know.
-CR
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Friday, April 22, 2005
You're West Virginia!
You are a true coal miner's daughter, or maybe even son. You probably
smoke, and your lungs are paying for it every day. While you're definitely willing to
separate yourself from the crowd for what you believe in, this policy has put you into
a state of unending obscurity and poverty. As a result, people only come to visit you
on foot, and usually they're just trying to prove that they can do it. Keep a canary on
your shoulder whenever possible.
Take the State Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
great.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Last night Megaman and I rented Wild Zero:
"Aliens are invading the planet and turning humans into zombies. After saving his heros, Guitar Wolf, from their manager, and having the honour of becoming their blood brother, wannabe rocker Ace finds himself caught up in the carnage. He didn't think he'd need Guitar Wolf's help quite so soon."
Yes, that's right.
It's a Japanese Punk Rock Alien-Zombie movie.
rent it tonight folks. . . for a lot of hilarious japanese fun.
"Aliens are invading the planet and turning humans into zombies. After saving his heros, Guitar Wolf, from their manager, and having the honour of becoming their blood brother, wannabe rocker Ace finds himself caught up in the carnage. He didn't think he'd need Guitar Wolf's help quite so soon."
Yes, that's right.
It's a Japanese Punk Rock Alien-Zombie movie.
rent it tonight folks. . . for a lot of hilarious japanese fun.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Friday, January 28, 2005
Monday, January 17, 2005
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Friday, December 17, 2004
i should probably blog again. . .
Q & A:
Q: How did the firing conversation go?
A: Boss: We're going to have to let you go. . .
Self: Hmm. . . Yeah. . .
Boss: With the pictures all over the internet. . . and someone said they thought it was our establishment . . . and then there's the health department. . . we just can't keep you here. . . you understand.
Self: Yeah. . . OK.
Q: Was your sister really on Room Raiders?
A: Yes.
Q: Did she get picked?
A: No.
Q: Did Midnight Mailman work on the show?
A: Yes, and he had nothing to do with casting.
Q: Did you find a job yet?
A: Yes.
Updates:
1. I now work at Junkman's Daughter's Brother.
2. Yes, I told them why I was fired. . . actually, i wrote on my resume I was fired for being "hilariously inappropriate"
3. I am living with the adorable Rex Adventure
4. WE ARE HAVING A HOLIDAY PARTY.
Q & A:
Q: How did the firing conversation go?
A: Boss: We're going to have to let you go. . .
Self: Hmm. . . Yeah. . .
Boss: With the pictures all over the internet. . . and someone said they thought it was our establishment . . . and then there's the health department. . . we just can't keep you here. . . you understand.
Self: Yeah. . . OK.
Q: Was your sister really on Room Raiders?
A: Yes.
Q: Did she get picked?
A: No.
Q: Did Midnight Mailman work on the show?
A: Yes, and he had nothing to do with casting.
Q: Did you find a job yet?
A: Yes.
Updates:
1. I now work at Junkman's Daughter's Brother.
2. Yes, I told them why I was fired. . . actually, i wrote on my resume I was fired for being "hilariously inappropriate"
3. I am living with the adorable Rex Adventure
4. WE ARE HAVING A HOLIDAY PARTY.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Monday, November 29, 2004
With the holiday season upon us, i thought you'd all like to know that
THIS IS WHAT I WANT
for Festivus.
THIS IS WHAT I WANT
for Festivus.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
me: vomiting and laughing at the same time is the funniest sound ever.
bunny: if only i were balemic, i would never stop laughing.
laugh your way to shapely hips and thighs.
bunny: if only i were balemic, i would never stop laughing.
laugh your way to shapely hips and thighs.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
someone sitting near us in this coffee shop was telling a story that included this segment:
"i had been living in Crete on this nude beach and then i met Wolfgang and Ulga. . . actually, i was carrying my tin box where i kept my paints and Wolfgang asked why I was carrying a tin box and i explained i was an artist looking to move to germany and that i kept my paints in a tin box so they wouldn't get smooshed, so they invited me to live with them in germany."
"i had been living in Crete on this nude beach and then i met Wolfgang and Ulga. . . actually, i was carrying my tin box where i kept my paints and Wolfgang asked why I was carrying a tin box and i explained i was an artist looking to move to germany and that i kept my paints in a tin box so they wouldn't get smooshed, so they invited me to live with them in germany."
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