my sister

photo by: beamanism

is so cute. See her in all her glory

THIS guy wrote me THIS in a buzznet message:

Subject: sssssssssssssssssssssssss mmmmmmmmmm

I just wanted to tell you that you are always on my mind and i wish you could see how good I feel looking at your photos , wow you are so sexy DAMN , and if you have the time in your life I would love to get to know you ?????
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Derryck

this is a post from a blog i started a while ago:

my sister and i are internetting in the same room.
our conversation was as follows:

sister: THIS IS SO AWESOME 4 EVR
me: mm hmm
sister: mmm hmm
sister: you laughed
me: did you eat one of my peeps?
sister: no,
sister: kan i
me: no
me: because you improperly used the letter k
me: i WILL not tolerate that

sister keeps typing and erasing

me: say it

sister: toler8 it
me : cu l8r
sister: yr sew kool
me: kewl
sister: oh kay
sister: i <3 this

i begin to say something aloud and stop.

sister: do what now
me: do you read midnight mailman's blog every day?

sister beings to leave the room,
goes back to the computer, laughing

sister: brb

me: oh kay

I don't believe in the West Nile Virus.

i ate some blue cheese and now my fingers smell like vomit.

i should probably wash my hands.

NEW R.E.M. Single

Leaving New York
in
Full Audio Awesomeness


for any more R.E.M. alerts visit Blog V+, he is your R.E.M. aficionado.

My sister is screaming:

SHUT THAT FUCKING BABY UP!

live on the UGA radio right now with the band

Ceramic Duck.

It rules.

my car is dead.

the road trip was awesome.

midnightmailman is my new best friend.

and


once i went to the hospital because i was putting corn in my nose and some got stuck. . . .

I once heard you're more likely to be sued than go to the hospital. . .


> Age 6

*Climbing on the top of the monkey bars, tried to wave bye to our babysitter friend- fell through onto a rock
Stitches - this time the hospital came to me
*Being pulled on a blanket- hit my head on a speaker going around a corner
Stitches
*Doing flips on the bars at a K-Mart or something similar- hit my head
i think i may have just knocked myself out. . . but i'm pretty sure i had to have Stitches
*Playing "For She's a Jolly Good Fellow"- right arm pulled out of the socket,
Dad popped it back in. . . no hospital trip.
*Jumping from bed to trundle-bed - landed on the trudle bed bar, trundle bed collapsed on my foot when cousin jumped on it- Broken foot. didn't even cry.

Ages 6 - 18

* Playing with conveyor belt at grocery store - Hand got stuck -
Hardcore burn on my left hand, was given a band-aid - should have sued.
Didn't cry
* Running through theater in Underground Atlanta, tripped on a rug & hit my head on a fancy baseboard
Stitches
Didn't cry
*Lighter Fight gone wrong-
Left ring finger Metacarpal broken
Didn't cry - waited a week to see a doctor

> 19
*Attempting to open a window - window shattered
Stitches in left pinky. Damaged nerve- should have sued hospital.
. . . cried

I'm sure i'm forgetting something.
Am i doomed?

The Midnight Mail Man eats his vanilla milk shakes with attitude.

I went to warped tour yesterday.
I tried to get in with my "Battle of the Bands Band Access Pass" from 2000 when friends played in Nashville & brought me along. . . but the fucker at the gate was like examining it & said
"what is this? this is from 4 years ago. . . why are you trying to use this here?"
he was like, holding onto it tightly, but luckily I had it looped through my underwear strap, so he wasn't gonna get it
and i said "wouldn't you?" and snatched it out of his vise-like grip
then i turned & walked away. . .
to buy a ticket.
I saw some pretty great shit for 23 bucks though- Atmosphere, (who is my JAM), Thursday, a little NOFX, part of a song from Alkaline Trio, who used to be a high-school pop-punk favorite, (judge me not) and the highlight of the festival- Bad Religion.
Jesus Fuck those guys ROCK.
It was kind of sad though, people were all dancing and pushing and falling and crowd surfing and sweating. . . but i saw like, 3 people who were actually singing along. . . They played fucking American Jesus for Christ's sake. . . (yeah, i know, i'm hilarious) and they played Atomic Garden- both perfect for Salt Lake City, Utah. I think most of the people missed the point completely. Even sadder, i think more people were at Yellowcard than Bad Religion-
i know, yeah yeah. i saw Yellowcard. . . but they're damn good & they stayed at my friend's house when they came through atlanta in like. . . 99. . . so i wanted to say hi and shit but there were hundreds of people, acting a' fool, mostly girls with eye make-up smearing off of their skinny, sweaty faces. come to think of it, i actually have the guitarist & drummer's home phone number, and a signed cd from years ago. . . i probably should have brought those & sold them for rediculously high prices. . .
After the show i was gonna go home, but i figured i'd try to find a friend's house in the city that i'd been to once before- i ended up driving straight to it, no wrong turns- just ended up there- it was magic. we sat on the porch overlooking the city, listening to fucking stellar tunes, drinking beer, talking about real things, living, feeling. . . it was a beautiful night. It stormed thick rain with giant beautiful bolts of lightning & we yelled and cheered and whooped with vehemence at the thunder. The rain smells marvelous.


Gee, should i just go ahead and get a livejournal account? . . . sorry for the cheesy entry about "My Day"

an old friend just said
"i volunteer at a hospital. . .
don't ever get hemorrhoids"

Does Dennis Leary have cancer yet?

Some idiot on NPR's "This American Life," one of my favorite segments, is talking about his mission to get "The Puppy Channel" on the air

"All puppies, All day, All night, All the time"

He just said "37% of people polled prefered it to CNBC". . . seriously?

This is "Best in Show" rediculous. . . funnier even, the man actually sounds a LOT like Fred Willard. . . only, this isn't a mockumentary, this is his life. . . his american life.

Did anyone happen to catch this segment?

i'm sitting by the pool trying to relax when from behind me i hear obnoxiously high-pitched voices. i take off my head-phones & prepare to leave when i hear:

#1- "do you have the new kelly clarkson cd?"
#2- "ooooo, not yet!"
#1- "i want it sooo bad! she is awesome.
#2- "i know, so awesome!"

if by awesome you mean no-talent ass-clown, then: i know, so awesome!
good god where did we go wrong?


i get home & my roommate suggests we have a "movie night"
"uuh. . ok"
i have no friends anyway. . . i'll be here
"just please, for the love of cheese, don't get anything with that girl from "ella enchanted" in it. . . n..not that i didn't love going to see it with you the other night, just. . . promise me"


i just got back from the store & she's q-ing up the movie with our neighbor.

me- "what did you end up getting?"
her-"how to deal"
me- ". . . oh?"
her-"it's a mandy moore movie"
me- ". . . oh"
her-"you don't like mandy moore?"
me- ". . . n. . no"

my life is turning into one big teenie bopper movie.

. . .

and now i'm bored.


i bet it hasn't gotten too far into the plot. . .

We hid in the bushes by the house in the back yard & peed in a cup.
We mixed in a banana & some sugar packets from the van in the driveway.


Mom: Kristen
Me: Yeah
Mom: Jennifer's mother just called. . .
she's throwing up. She told her mom you made her drink your pee.
Is that true?
Me: Not exactly.
Mom: Well, what exactly then?
Me: It was supposed to be for John-Paul

(an older boy who lived down the street)

but he wouldn't drink it,

(i'm guessing it was because a 6 year old knows "milk shakes" are not warm with big chunks of bananas. . . and 4 year olds don't normally make them)

so i told Jennifer to. . . thinking she would pretend to drink it. . .

(so john paul would believe we were legit.
she was fucking IN on it. she fucking KNEW)

I don't remember getting in trouble for this one. . .
I mean, what the hell would you do if you got a call from an angry parent claiming your kid made their kid drink piss?

It was her own damn fault.

i'm sorry the funny is lacking so much as of late.
i will get on that.

my phone has been temporarily disconnected.

in the mean time,
you can call me

@ 801-344-5410

but i can't call you.

i'm back from vegas.
it's not what you think, i didn't spend all of my money on the slots, i just haven't found a job yet. . .
er, i did, but i start tomorrow so i won't be paid for weeks.

hook it up. send me money.

i have no phone now.
i figure if each of you gives me a dollar. . . .

damnit.
you can buy some shit from me
CR Cafeshop

or, you know, not

I quit my job.
I'm driving to Vegas in an hour or so to see Mara & V+ who are getting there tonight as well.

My computer is down and the asshole from compu usa wouldn't let me run their disc utility discs at their store because "there are rules [he's] willing to bend, but not that one" . . . wtf asshat, the apple guy was the one who gave me the number of the store & said that's what i should do.
fuckers.
now i have to wait for mine to come from georgia and in the mean time i have no computer. . . and no music.

fuckit.
i'm goin to vegas.

a long time ago my sister wrote something profound in my journal about an inspired Georgia man.
it was:

God is love
Love is blind
Ray Charles is blind
Ray Charles is God.

go buy an album if you don't believe me.

You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

great, now the computer can tell me what kind of kisser i am.

Update:
The Korean has moved out.

and she left her butter.

A Prequal to this post as seen on YTLS:

Roommate #1: Susan

Roommate #2: Jennifer
about a week ago the korean girl woke Susan by knocking at her window at 9:30 in the AM telling her she requested from the apartment complex office that she be switched to our apartment. . . (great, see where being nice to annoying, insane korean girls gets you? way to go, susan.)
she lived next door, but got in a screaming argument with her roommates because someone's 2-year-old accidentally locked the bathroom door closed. (insane)

It wasn't too bad the first couple of days except for the occasional strange joke i don't get at all (. . . if they were supposed to be jokes) "ahhh, my bum hurt!" really loud and whinny/decisively while i'm watching tv.
I started just ignoring her and acting like i couldn't hear her piercing voice over my music, or the tv. . . or i acted like i didn't know she was talking to me, and said "what?" a lot when it was becoming a problem.

a couple of days ago the korean girl put signs all over her door that said shit in korean and "you steal my stuff!" & "What I am missing: . . . " "You hate Koreans!" etc.
underlined words and capitol letters and everything. anger was very apparent.
the next day she called the police about her "stolen watch" that she can't describe & that is worth around "20 dollars" and told the officer that we were eating her food.
she eats shit that comes in containers i can't read. . . and it all smells bad.
i was asleep during the event, although i wish i could have been there for see how the cop reacted to her "burglary" call.

yesterday she stopped at my door and started pointing & screaming what i'm guessing were accusations and obscenities at me in korean. i followed her down the hall and asked her if there was some kind of problem and told her she should probably speak English because it's not communication at all otherwise and defeats the point in talking and it was hurting my ears.
Susan came out after hearing all of the korean yelling and they started yelling at each other and it was hilarious.

Here are a few of the things that were said:

S-what food exactly is missing?
J- -ma butter. i saw dem use!
S- you're what?
J- ma butter
Me- butter? did you just fucking say butter?
J- you take it, you take!
Me- It's BUTTER. . . no, it's fucking country crock spread.

J- You take! you take my watch i get for christmas!
Me- Who the hell wears a watch anymore?
S- The Lord knows i'm innocent!

J- I afraid of Shawn (kim, our other roommate's fiance)
S- why?
Me-what?
J- i afraid he will rape ha.
Me- He won't rape us! He's getting married in 2 weeks!
J.- No Ha, HA.
Me- a five year old sleeps in there with them. . . he's not going to rape his fiance. this is crazy.

J- You are racist!
S-no im not. i was engaged to a korean.
Me- don't blame the fact that you suck on your ethnicity. you're racist.

Anyway, i told her to move the fuck out as nicely as possible. Most of the time i was laughing and walking around the house doing other things. i wish i would have gotten my camera and taken a movie. there was yelling, yelling/screaming in Korean, crying, flailing limbs, and many MANY pointed fingers.

It's fucking butter.

i'm going to start eating her food. . . if i can stand to eat ramen, ricearoni, and weird korean food.