1. I hate Billy Mayes.


2. I need to go to bed.

After watching a commercial about personalized teddy bears, which was like two and a half minutes long, I decided to visit the web site to see just how much their eharmony-likepersonalized bears were.

This Teddy Bear is One Hundred and nine dollars .




This one's my favorite.

It turns out that the mom from one of the funniest shows i have ever seen is also the mom from one of the unfunniest shows i have ever seen.





Listen to this shitty vcr recording for Jessica Walter

When I was 16 I worked at a skating rink.

One of my favorite things to do was to slowly begin to walk next to a slow skater around the inner circle.
Every once in a while I'd glance over & about a quarter of the way around the rink, they'd start to go a little faster, and i'd start walking faster until I was at a slow jog and they were giving it their all to go faster than their level of ability and looking at me terrified. Then I'd suddenly turn away.

Or

I really liked whistling at people and saying things like "If I see you do that again, you're totally out of here man- you can't be doing that, seriously"
and then they'd say "what?"
and i'd say "You know what you did man, just don't do it again"
and then I'd tell them to go skate and if they still wanted to know what it was that they were almost in trouble for, I'd tell them not to "be smart with me" & "don't press your luck" and things of that nature.
I usually did that to the kids who seemed like jerks.

confusion = comedy



Also- sometimes I drove to work wearing quads which I don't think was very safe.

I love Arrested Development.

ETG: You know who would be really fun to fight?
Me: who
ETG: Janice Dickinson.
ME: *laughter*
ETG: I'm going to start writing her taunting e-mails. . . With her strip-mall modeling agency. . .
Me: . . . with public school carpeting with track lighting. Just tell her she's not pretty anymore.
ETG: I'm going to fight Janice Dickinson this year.




Resolution #1

How are there NO youtube videos that come up in a search for "Ken Nugent"



One call, that's all.

VOTE

I think this newscast warrants a second post.
thanks again bunny

Cheers to you Designing Women.

I'm glad my last name isn't Peterson.

I love living in a city where I can always get the onion for free.

There was a guy in our neighborhood when I was little who used to unicycle with his kids on his shoulders.

My Dad bought one too.

I could go up and down my driveway & then my mom gave it away because she didn't realize anyone was using it. . .

I went to a taping of The Montel Williams Show" yesterday.
I love that he lets the audience ask questions.


"yes min-tel woolliums- i would jis like to axe you how do i get a ghost-writer to do a play wright?"

Road Trip 2K7 - "The Hotessey"
has officially begun.

Day 2-
Kt & I went white water rafting with our guide-friend Dan on the Ocoee river in TN.

horrah.

(that's right, i posted. . . it's a good thing you checked again.)

A girl in the line in front of me at the bank said this to someone on her cell phone:
(wow, that's a lot of prepositional phrases for one sentence)


"Is it bad to stop breathing?"

. . .

"but why is it bad though?"

Is It Okay To Feed A Pet Rabbit Cabbage?

I just got fired for sexually harassing a Mexican in the kitchen.

Yesterday I went to the Dentist

and overheard:

"Can you. . . do you have sinus problems?
Are you able to breath out of your nose?"


Ew. Fogging up his tiny mirror. . .
Mouth-breathing. . .
That's why I will never be a Dentist.

Did I Do That?



No.
Jaleel White did not commit suicide.

Thanks (for nothing) to all of you who sent me (false) text messages, e-mails, voice mails, etc.

HAPPY ARMED FORCES DAY!

Here are a few things I've overheard recently:

"Here's the thing about me and partyin'. . . I could easily, easily be in Municipal Waste.

Read this one with your best Southern accent-
"The thing is, once you catch a 22" trout and mount it on your wall, there really ain't no goin' back."

Er body seen a Leprechaun
say "YEAH!"

. . . and there's more

On a MUCH smaller scale, like my amazingly lucky, lovely and spectacular sister, I also get to see free shows. . .

See Figures A and C Below depicting a Free G-Love concert that was fantastic by the way:

Figure A




Figure B




Figure C





Compare Figures A, B, and C.

Please keep in mind this conversation was all shouted over very loud music to a girl, (and later, with slight variations, to a guy,) I didn't know.

Me: *Excessive, explosive laughter*
(Yelling over the music)
The bassist guy looks like Philip Seymour Hoffman!

Concert Girl: *Continued "jamming" to the music*
(Big THC Smile)
Who looks like what?!

Me: *continued laughter*
The bassist- he looks like Philip Seymore. . . Have you seen Happiness?

Concert Girl: Yeah, this show is happen'en

Me: *laughter dying down slightly*
N-no. . . Happiness! The movie; It's hilarious!
Punch Drunk Love?
Capote?
Philip Seymour Hoffman!
Love Liza?!

Concert Girl: I love G-Love!

Me: *laughter gone*
Nonono. . . Liza. . . .

Concert Girl: Awesome! I'm Becca! Wanna hit this?

Me: . . . Ok





So Becca, or that other guy, if you are reading, this is what I was talking about